My Tips For Getting Rid of Stuff

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Stuff is great, and we all like stuff - but how much stuff do you really need?  Not that I'm not one of those people that sells all their belongings and their home and then skips off to Timbuktu for twelve years to live a simpler life in the bush (but I mean that's cool, though if you like bushes and air),  I just feel like we all have too much stuff and that stuff could go away to stuff heaven*

*If my parents read this they'll laugh at me, because they've been swimming in my stuff for years.  They are friends with my stuff, and should probably write songs together.

I've been improving my stuff-removing capabilities in the last few years and have improved by 312%.  I used to keep everything - not like the Hoarders-TV-show-everything-type-stuff, but I kept every receipt of every item I bought since 1996 (I can even remember the exact nail polish that produced the receipt that started that collection) and I kept every single school note from every class, thinking that one day I'd need to remember how to solve some random calculus problem.  I kept every single nail clipping from every nail clipping session, too.

JUST KIDDING LOL THAT'S HOARDERS-TV-SHOW-EVERYTHING-TYPE-STUFF

The receipts and school notes were disposed of in previous years, btw.

There are a number of steps you can follow in order to achieve a successful dumping of stuff.  I will share with you the ones I have found that bring me the most success, and have brought me the most joy and harmony in my life.  Once you achieve this higher state of joy and harmony you can walk around with a serene look on your face and creep people out.  Or maybe you can do that at nighttime and turn your serene look into a creepy smile and just wander up to people without saying or wearing anything except that creepy smile, and then wind up in a creepypasta on Reddit, my #1 dream tbh!!

Wait, if you're naked you're probably not scaring them so much as just making them very uncomfortable, so I'm not sure if that would land in NoSleep or LetsNotMeet but I'm just going to move on now.

***********

Below are the steps I take while standing amongst a pile of belongings and wondering 'oh god why do I have all these belongings and just WHAT can be done about it?!' (Definite First World Problems).

Hold a specific item or piece of clothing in your hand and go through the below points.  Once completed, you should be able to decide if the thing should be flung into the trash, the Goodwill bag or back to wherever it came from (under your bed).

Steps:

#1 - Do you remember it exists when you're not actually staring at it
If the answer is yes, you probably like it and should probably keep it, but use your discretion.  If the answer is no, continue reading and sort yourself out!

#2 - Do you like it
If the answer is no, you shouldn't own it and if you still do own it, it should go away from you.  If the answer is yes, proceed anyway but sort yourself out!

#3 - When was the last time you wore it (if clothing, probably)
If a year ago or more, it must go.  No excuses.  If within the last year, go back to item #2 and if the answer is no, it must go.  And sort yourself out!

#4 - Would you ever wear it again
If you wore the item within the last year, how many times did you wear it and how did you feel while wearing it?  If you didn't feel 100% confident in it, it must go.  Are you excited for the next time you wear it?  If not, it must go.
I have a potentially helpful but guaranteed weird solution that might help you if you don't wear or use the item, but there is a great nostalgia attached to it.  If you know it must go but feel sad at the prospect, take a picture of it. This has helped me be rid of many items that I had an emotional attachment to, but were wasting space in my room.  Eventually when you look at the picture without feeling any FEELINGS, delete the picture and BYE BYE THERE IT GOES AND YOUR FEELINGS ARE GONE AND YOUR SOUL AND YOUR whatever.

#5 - Do you need it
Do you have 10 black tank tops or a YM Magazine from 1995 with Gwen Stefani on the cover like me? You don't need those.  They must go, and you should sort yourself out!

Currently in the closet of my old bedroom, wondering why I left it alone in the dark and scary recesses of nowhere-land.  I picked it up the other day and said "what have you done for me lately?" and the ym magazine said "nothing lol" and I said "well back to the closet you go, to rest under my Rolling Stone issue with 'nsync on the cover."
"Oh ok", it replied.

#6 - Was it a gift?  If so, please rate the current situation with the person who gifted it to you.
An ex?  Do you think they are the worst person in the world?  Then the item should go away from you.  Be gone, any and all items that remind you of a hideous person!  Be gone with you!
A loved one such as your mother?  Walk into the room and say "hey ma.  Ma.  Hey ma!!!! Hey ma you gave this to me twelve years ago but I haven't used it yet, will you be sad if I get rid of it?"  If she says yes, you should have a conversation because that's odd.  If she says no, then it must go.
If you don't care who gifted it to you because you really like it, then keep it, duh.  Keep the attitude to yourself, holy.

#7 - Would you feel good about giving it away or giving it to charity
If yes, then that means you're normal and not a hideous individual.

Once this is all complete, give it a couple of days and go through these steps again, with the remaining items.  I guarantee you will get rid of even more stuff this way.  This is not a money-back guarantee.

Those are all the steps I go through and I have successfully gotten rid of bags and bags of clothing and items that I no longer need but someone else can use.  I encourage you to try these steps next time you attempt a Spring cleaning (probably next Spring I would think) and if you fail, then you should be donated to Goodwill and your stuff should be allowed to run free inside your home and set your PVR to only tape the Maury Povich show.


Nostalgia Gem + New Gem = Gem Party

Monday, October 20, 2014

I don't know why there's a part of this song...


That reminded me of this nostalgia pop-rock-soul gem:



BUT THEY ARE BOTH AMAZING

I was obsessed with this Res song like 12 years ago.  She deserved more success, FYI.

Bye now!

Mmmmmsloobbberrr

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

DO YOU LOVE OREOS

DO YOU LOVE BROWNIES

DO YOU LOVE BROREOS

'what are broreos?!' you may ask...well I totally thought I just made that up and was feeling all cool and clever, but then I googled 'broreo' and discovered that I absolutely did not create that term.  oop @ me

That aside, I saw this recipe the other day and decided that they looked like the greatest brownies I'd ever seen and that I needed to make them immediately and love them immediately and write poetry about them immediately and

Here's what you need/need to do to make these exist in your mouth:

Ingredients:
  • 1/2 cup unsalted butter, melted (I melted it in the microwave because WHAT)
  • 3/4 cup granulated sugar 
  • 1/2 light brown sugar
  • 2 large eggs, room temperature (I didn't even notice this the first time around and used some cold eggs)
  • 1 Tbsp. vegetable oil
  • 2 Tsp. vanilla extract
  • 3/4 all-purpose flour (mom I almost finished that bag of flour and I may have put the nearly empty bag back in the cupboard)
  • 1/2 cup cocoa powder 
  • 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 16 oreos <---my favourite part

For the topping:
  • a few more oreos, crumbled up
  • 1 cup of whipped cream (Now, I made whipped cream myself instead of using the spray can, and I didn't make enough the first time around.  I was advised by the internet that whipping cream doubles in quantity when it's turning into whipped cream, so I whipped half a cup and that wasn't enough.  Just whip the whole carton, dammit!!  If it's a small carton, I mean.  I tried to get all creative with the second batch, but mixing in the oreo bits before whipping the cream - don't do that? At first it looked cool, then it turned into some weird mixture that looked like mud with a layer of sand on top, then it looked like something that was inside a garbage can.)

(Because it was.)

Instructions:
  • Preheat oven to 350 degrees
  • In one bowl, mix together the butter and sugars until 2-become-1 
    Actually it's more like 3-become-1, but whatever
  • Add eggs one at a time into the same bowl, mixing completely between each addition.  Mix in the oil and vanilla.
  • In another bowl, combine the flour, cocoa powder, baking soda and salt. 
  • Pour the flour mixture into the wet mixture in 4 parts, mixing well between each addition and ensuring that you spray the entire table with cocoa powder and stir too hard, thus causing blobs of this mixture to fly onto the nearby Keurig machine.
  • Pour half of your mixture into a greased 8" x 11" baking dish.  *Sidenote, I didn't have that - so I bought one that was like 9" x 9" or something...which turned out fine.  When you look at the original recipe linked below, she actually says to use an 8" x 8" pan which I already had in the house and therefore should have used instead of going to Walmart and buying another one!!  What does one do with all these pans??!
  • Place cookies on top of batter in 4 rows of 4 cookies:
oreo brownies, oreo cookies, brownies
  • There are about 28 Oreos in one package, so you have some free reign to shove a few in your mouth while performing this task.
  • Pour the remaining batter mixture on top and distribute evenly
  • Bake for 20-25 (mine took about 25) minutes until you stick a toothpick in and it's pretty much clean.
  • Cool for awhile on a wire rack.
  • While this is baking, make the whipped cream.  In order to do that, you pour whipping cream in a bowl and whip it until it turns into whipped cream.  Super hard!!!!  Again, don't do what I mentioned earlier.  
  • Once the brownies are cool, spread the whipped cream on top and fling on some crushed Oreos, and cool in the fridge for 1 hour.
YOU REALLY WANT TO EAT THIS
  • Cut into squares and EAT LIKE YOU'VE NEVER EATEN BEFORE!!!!
  • I would have had a photo of the finished product, but all the brownies were consumed before I had a chance to photograph one.  I will update this post later when I make batch #2, but for now here is a borrowed picture c/o Lark & Linen:



Recipe from http://www.jacquelynclark.com/ (via http://www.grandbaby-cakes.com/)

Some Stuff About Halloween

Friday, October 3, 2014


It's October now!!!!  Everyone loves October!!

Pinterest loves October:

Perfectly placed leaves, on-trend arts 'n crafts and walkways that have apparently never felt the pressure of a human foot. 


Halloween loves October:

A pumpkin clearly showing its affection for October.  I think?  Maybe it loves itself?  This picture is actually confusing and potentially misleading


Pumpkin spice haters love October:

Next time you are hanging out in your backyard, carving a gruesome face into the delicate layers of the pumpkin you kidnapped from its family of pumpki, and the thought crosses your mind to diss pumpkin anything, take a look down at your hands riddled with the slimy blood goo and remember that YOU are part of the problem!

I like October because that's when Halloween is, and that also means scary movies are on TV constantly...which is what full TV schedules should always be like, tbh.  And I'm not just talking about Maid in Manhattan or the Wedding Planner, which are on regular rotation apparently.   BA DUMP DA!!
I'm talking about the Jason movies played on repeat because they are apparently the only horror movies ever made.

I feel like that turned sarcastic, but in a really tentative way.

I'm currently deciding what my Halloween costume should be, and I'm wavering between a sexy telephone cord or a sexy sock... or maybe a sexy empty beer bottle or a sexy shoehorn or a sexy jar of olives or

I would like to briefly take a trip down Hallowmemory lane, and visit previous years' costumes:

2008 - A unique idea that's never been done before

2009 - a Supermarket Sweep contestant (low maintenance and comfortable, I considered this a great success)

2010 - a girl who wakes up every morning and emerges from her bedroom as the chick from the Black Swan movie

2011 - a version of Katy Perry in her ET music video but the version that's permanently holding a glass of wine

2012 - what is supposed to be a ventriloquists dummy but I mean I could just be a weird looking girl with food dripping down the sides of her mouth

2013 - a serious Lady Gaga Applause creature

I also went as Phyllis Nefler with a cool sidekick


These were all mediocre costumes for the most part, but as long as you enjoy what you're wearing on Halloween, isn't that all that matters?

Actually no - because some things are not ok!   Like dressing up as a minority/painting your face to look like other races and appropriating other cultures!

There are so many things to dress up as, keep it cool and don't be an offensive loser!  Things like these, found in a random couple of Facebook photos while I was bored:

A person looking out a window.  Complete your look by fashioning a window frame out of tinfoil and the glass pane using saran wrap.  Walk around for the duration of your evening holding up your fake window, while consistently pressing your face against the saran wrap.  You can't drink or use your arms for anything else.

A confused/fake paparazzo at the opening of a new bar.   Wear anything you want, but ensure you have a DSLR camera and neck strap and a furrowed brow for the entire evening.  Extra fun points if you bring a random friend with blonde curly hair that nobody seems to know, but is in all the pictures from that evening.

Lauren Conrad. Just kidding - it's impossible to reach the expert level of Pinterest, and nobody else in the world has ever received such a successful ombre!!  Mostly I just posted this picture because her hair is like a shower of diamonds and joy.

The most important thing to remember this Halloween is to stay safe and steal children's candy.

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