My Tips For Getting Rid of Stuff

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Stuff is great, and we all like stuff - but how much stuff do you really need?  Not that I'm not one of those people that sells all their belongings and their home and then skips off to Timbuktu for twelve years to live a simpler life in the bush (but I mean that's cool, though if you like bushes and air),  I just feel like we all have too much stuff and that stuff could go away to stuff heaven*

*If my parents read this they'll laugh at me, because they've been swimming in my stuff for years.  They are friends with my stuff, and should probably write songs together.

I've been improving my stuff-removing capabilities in the last few years and have improved by 312%.  I used to keep everything - not like the Hoarders-TV-show-everything-type-stuff, but I kept every receipt of every item I bought since 1996 (I can even remember the exact nail polish that produced the receipt that started that collection) and I kept every single school note from every class, thinking that one day I'd need to remember how to solve some random calculus problem.  I kept every single nail clipping from every nail clipping session, too.


The receipts and school notes were disposed of in previous years, btw.

There are a number of steps you can follow in order to achieve a successful dumping of stuff.  I will share with you the ones I have found that bring me the most success, and have brought me the most joy and harmony in my life.  Once you achieve this higher state of joy and harmony you can walk around with a serene look on your face and creep people out.  Or maybe you can do that at nighttime and turn your serene look into a creepy smile and just wander up to people without saying or wearing anything except that creepy smile, and then wind up in a creepypasta on Reddit, my #1 dream tbh!!

Wait, if you're naked you're probably not scaring them so much as just making them very uncomfortable, so I'm not sure if that would land in NoSleep or LetsNotMeet but I'm just going to move on now.


Below are the steps I take while standing amongst a pile of belongings and wondering 'oh god why do I have all these belongings and just WHAT can be done about it?!' (Definite First World Problems).

Hold a specific item or piece of clothing in your hand and go through the below points.  Once completed, you should be able to decide if the thing should be flung into the trash, the Goodwill bag or back to wherever it came from (under your bed).


#1 - Do you remember it exists when you're not actually staring at it
If the answer is yes, you probably like it and should probably keep it, but use your discretion.  If the answer is no, continue reading and sort yourself out!

#2 - Do you like it
If the answer is no, you shouldn't own it and if you still do own it, it should go away from you.  If the answer is yes, proceed anyway but sort yourself out!

#3 - When was the last time you wore it (if clothing, probably)
If a year ago or more, it must go.  No excuses.  If within the last year, go back to item #2 and if the answer is no, it must go.  And sort yourself out!

#4 - Would you ever wear it again
If you wore the item within the last year, how many times did you wear it and how did you feel while wearing it?  If you didn't feel 100% confident in it, it must go.  Are you excited for the next time you wear it?  If not, it must go.
I have a potentially helpful but guaranteed weird solution that might help you if you don't wear or use the item, but there is a great nostalgia attached to it.  If you know it must go but feel sad at the prospect, take a picture of it. This has helped me be rid of many items that I had an emotional attachment to, but were wasting space in my room.  Eventually when you look at the picture without feeling any FEELINGS, delete the picture and BYE BYE THERE IT GOES AND YOUR FEELINGS ARE GONE AND YOUR SOUL AND YOUR whatever.

#5 - Do you need it
Do you have 10 black tank tops or a YM Magazine from 1995 with Gwen Stefani on the cover like me? You don't need those.  They must go, and you should sort yourself out!

Currently in the closet of my old bedroom, wondering why I left it alone in the dark and scary recesses of nowhere-land.  I picked it up the other day and said "what have you done for me lately?" and the ym magazine said "nothing lol" and I said "well back to the closet you go, to rest under my Rolling Stone issue with 'nsync on the cover."
"Oh ok", it replied.

#6 - Was it a gift?  If so, please rate the current situation with the person who gifted it to you.
An ex?  Do you think they are the worst person in the world?  Then the item should go away from you.  Be gone, any and all items that remind you of a hideous person!  Be gone with you!
A loved one such as your mother?  Walk into the room and say "hey ma.  Ma.  Hey ma!!!! Hey ma you gave this to me twelve years ago but I haven't used it yet, will you be sad if I get rid of it?"  If she says yes, you should have a conversation because that's odd.  If she says no, then it must go.
If you don't care who gifted it to you because you really like it, then keep it, duh.  Keep the attitude to yourself, holy.

#7 - Would you feel good about giving it away or giving it to charity
If yes, then that means you're normal and not a hideous individual.

Once this is all complete, give it a couple of days and go through these steps again, with the remaining items.  I guarantee you will get rid of even more stuff this way.  This is not a money-back guarantee.

Those are all the steps I go through and I have successfully gotten rid of bags and bags of clothing and items that I no longer need but someone else can use.  I encourage you to try these steps next time you attempt a Spring cleaning (probably next Spring I would think) and if you fail, then you should be donated to Goodwill and your stuff should be allowed to run free inside your home and set your PVR to only tape the Maury Povich show.

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